Boston Marathon Tragedy

We will all be grieving for a while. Appropriately so. This is an incredibly sad day. But when the news starts sucking you into the drama of "evil," when you don't think you have any tears left, look at the images and the videos again and notice all the people running TO help one another. All the CIVILIANS grabbing those without energy or those in shock to bring them to a safe place. Notice those who stop and provide physical, pychological and spiritual support to people on the ground until the professionals can arrive. Putting others before themselves. Notice that. Perhaps that will help. A little.

Looking for Answers

Dearest Students,

I am so deeply sorry that our community is going through such a tough year and that we have experienced yet another loss. As a mother, you have no idea how badly I wish I could wave a magic wand and take this struggle from all of you. I would willingly carry the burden if I could. As a teacher and, well, a member of the human race, I know that these experiences, however painful, however tragic, happen. And that these life lessons, as cliché as it may sound, will make us stronger and hopefully more appreciative of and connected to those around us.

So what’s next? What’s the answer? How do we prevent such tragedies from happening again? What’s the magic formula? And how do the survivors move forward?

I don’t know. And what’s more disconcerting, nobody does. There is a process, for certain. But just as certainly, there isn’t ONE answer.

So here’s where I spend my time. Here’s where I find a great deal of comfort. I know what the answer isn’t.

1. The answer is NOT in comparing my feelings with others. Of course people have different relationships with the loved ones we’ve lost. But feeling insulted or annoyed  because a stranger might break down more than a close friend or family member is pointless and harmful. I did not know Ryan or Kyle, two of the young men we lost last summer. Yet I haven’t stopped having bouts of tears for them since I heard the news of their loss last summer. Why? I don’t know. Why do I need to answer? Those are my feelings and I own them. They are sincere. I am not looking for attention. I simply need to go through whatever process my mind tells me to go through. I do not compare myself with the way a colleague might be dealing with these experiences. I do not assume that because others aren’t crying that they feel less pain than I. We are not the same people. We all process life experiences differently. So why compare feelings?

2. The answer is NOT in accepting statistics and moving into a world of indifference or defeat. I have lost many people in my life. I have lost family members to cancer, to blood clots, to car accidents, to heart disease, to Parkinson’s disease, to Alzheimer’s, to doctor’s negligence, to old age, and yes, to suicide. All of these loved ones have become a statistic in the eyes of others, professionals and actuaries, etc. But I don’t care about the numbers. Yes. I’m a science teacher. And I don’t care about the data. I won’t allow the distant discussion of percentages and probabilities to mess with my heart and my being. These were people. These were people I loved. Unique, extraordinary, flawed, loving and loved people. And although the cause of their death has inspired me to act constructively to try to prevent those losses for others, the cause does not reflect the level of the loss I feel for each. They are not stats to me.

3. The answer is NOT in pretending that there is ONE answer. That one way of grieving is the right way. The sensible way. The healthy way. Why is this thought comforting? Because it automatically means we can connect. We can be ourselves. We don’t have to be self-conscious of our tears, our smiles, our silence, our laughter, or our confusion. We can stop ourselves from offering advice, in telling others how they should be behaving, (unless of course, you’re a professional, like Mr. K, Ms. L, Ms. H, Mr. W, Mr. E., etc.) We can instead, connect. One answer is that there’s comfort to be found in no “right” answer.

How do I close this letter? How do share with you my confidence that over time, the pain will subside? The confusion will dissipate? The anger will diminish? The memories will provide strength?

I give you the three P’s.

Patience, Persistence and People.

Give it time.

Keep moving forward.

And surround yourself with your family and friends.

Patience, Persistence and People.

And know this. And here’s where I have a great deal of expertise.

It gets better. It gets so very much better. If you trust me at all, please believe that.

And that I am here for you. Always.

The Disproportionate Response...and Our Children

Remember last Friday? December 14th? I do too. It was my birthday! And perhaps because of that, I purposefully stayed away from the news. I heard about the tragedy in Newtown, CT, of course. And I was heartbroken. I still am. But I also knew what was in store for everyone that day, and for many days to come—a media frenzy. A focus storm that would undoubtedly cause more harm than good. On so many levels.

So I refused to get pulled in. I've kept informed, but not by allowing the media to tug at my heart and hypnotizing me into believing that every ounce of my emotion needed to be focused on this event. The bandaid solutions that end up being the consequence of these reports and subsequent discussions never work long term, nor do they get at the root of the actual problem.

And so after a week of reflection, here are the three most important things on my mind.

1. Our Thoughtfulness Deficit—We are a society that demands immediate gratification. If we're hungry, we eat whatever is in front of us. We don't think about whether it's good for us and/or how much to eat. We "over-satiate" ourselves. If we're confused, we don't grapple with an idea. We Google it. And we accept the response. If we're angry, we retaliate in order to release the discomfort. (So if there are weapons around that can be used to release this anger, it could very well be the coping mechanism some desperate individual uses to move forward...I know there's much more to this current tragedy. That this situation is not straightforward. But it is still the consequence of a nurtured cultural perspective.) We need to practice what it means to be reflective, how to navigate different emotions, and develop coping mechanisms for our unique feelings. And we must nurture the mentality that an immediate "answer" robs us of our natural, remarkable human condition.

2. Our Mental Health Perspective—Mental Health is one part of our overall well-being and should be treated with the same level of importance as our physical health. Whether mental illness was a factor in the Newtown shooting, however, is unknown. We will probably never know why this happened. Yet, the event has sparked dialogue about our understanding and treatment (or lack thereof) regarding mental illness. But we should be very careful about using this tragic event as the foundation for any sort of improvement in the area of mental health diagnosis, treatment, etc. Too often mental illness ends up being the scapegoat for a host of tragic events. And then we hear words like "evil," or "a message from God," following an inappropriate media diagnosis. This is intolerable and disgusting. In fact there are myriad conditions, as well as levels of said conditions, for mental illness. There are as many as there are physical ailments and disease. We should root our conversation about mental health, particularly with our young children, in a positive context. Whether one person suffers from a physical ailment and another from a mental disorder does not define who they are or what they are capable of contributing to their loved ones or society.

3. The Disproportionate Response—We should be ashamed of our response to this tragedy. Not because we "disproportionally" responded to what happened in Newtown by aching for the victims and their families and community. But to our LACK of response for communities who suffer this type of loss on a regular basis. Is it the number of children who died that provoked our response?  The city of Chicago lost 38 teenagers this past summer. Where was our support for those mothers, fathers, siblings, friends? Where are their candles, teddy bears and prayers? Or is it the fact that so many children died at once that matters? Because 30,000 children die every day from treatable or preventable causes. Why don't we fly the flag at half mast for them? Why don't we demand our government officials respond to those tragedies with the same level of passion and desperation? Or is it the location of where these children died? Most children are killed in a location where we would consider them, expect them to be safe. Or is it the fact that these children look like our children? Live lives like our children? My point is...ALL children deserve this type of response. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

It's worth doing some honest reflection. In doing so, we must stop our emotions from demanding some knee-jerk, band-aid solution. We need to look LONG TERM. What solutions, strategies can we develop—not those through an economic or political lens, but in honest-to-goodness cultural improvement—that will work for all, forever? At least that's the bar we should shoot for. I'm in. Are you?

Jacob Riis and Flash Photography

Sleeping Children, 1890

Today, I was helping a former student edit her AP US History paper, and I became captivated by the subject, Mr. Jacob Riis. I was drawn in by the connection between art and science, and the resulting positive changes that occurred due to the meshing of the two. I was inspired by his creative problem-solving and his unwavering humanitarianism.

Mr. Riis was born in Denmark and emigrated to the United States in 1870. Eventually, he became one of many journalists who published works regarding the misery of the New York City slums. But he wondered how he might more vividly portray the destitution he was witnessing. The solution resulted in Riis becoming a self-taught photographer and his work proceeded in making him one of the most influential photojournalists in history. Many of his photographs can be seen in the publication, How the Other Half Lives, which is now on my list of must-read-books.

Taking a position on the night-shift, it became difficult for Riis to photograph the lives of the underprivileged immigrants in the slums. But he resolved this issue with a progressive new technique called flash photography. At the time, this magic potion allowed for photographing in the dark by reacting a mixture of magnesium with potassium chlorate, the first ever flash powder. Upon heating this (potentially dangerous) mixture, an intense flash of light was produced. What ingenuity! To use the result of a chemical reaction as a means of capturing the injustices of the tenement housing area. Incredible. Riis was one of the first American flash photographers.

The science behind Riis's photographs defined his work and is the reason why he was able to document such horrific conditions in a spontaneous manner, like street photography. It is why he was able to provide an indelible mental image of the these deplorable tenement house living conditions. And it is why he was able to call attention to the need for immediate relief by bringing these images to schools and churches and sharing them with the public.

Furthermore, Riis did not just call attention to these conditions through his photography; he recommended creative, practical and workable solutions. And continued to show off his photographs of  the horrors of the slums until he caught the attention of government officials, including President Theodore Roosevelt—then police commissioner—who called Riis, simply and endearingly, "The most useful citizen in New York." Riis was able to convince the wealthy and powerful to make positive change, and his work influenced new laws in the housing communities in not only New York, but Chicago, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and indeed many other corners of the world.

Riis made such incredible strides over the couple decades of his tenure as a police reporter and photo-journalist. So why haven't our present government officials continued the legacy he began in bettering the housing conditions of our current under-privileged communities at the same rate he did? It's been over 100 years...